Rejection is one of the most difficult experiences you will deal with in life, and you don’t want to experience it when you learn how to ask someone out and try putting it into practice. Your thoughts whirl with all the possibilities. But what if they refuse? What if it goes awry after? What happens if you get it all wrong in what you want to say?

The reality is, virtually everyone feels a little anxious when they fall in love with someone. Nearly everyone gets butterflies before going out on a date with someone for the first time, even the bravest of them all. Confidence isn’t being without anxiety; it’s being without fear.

If you are searching for the perfect script to ask someone out, you will be relieved to know there is no such thing. The key is that you simply need to be sincere, have good timing and be attentive to your date’s reaction. These three things will get you a lot farther than any slick pick-up line.

 

Stop Waiting for the Perfect Moment

 

There are many people who convince themselves they will ask someone out “tomorrow,” but it never comes. Yesterday is gone, and the next week is coming, and before that, the opportunity is lost.

The truth is that the ideal time often doesn’t occur.

Consider when you last wanted to start working out, find a new job, or pick up a new hobby. You probably didn’t arrive at any of that with all your ducks in a row. You just decided to start, although you were not sure.

 

Be Honest Instead of Trying to Impress

 

The best way to invite somebody to any sort of date is in a direct, confident manner, rather than in a speech you have practised dozens of times.

Tell the truth—Do not attempt to impress.

Trying to be too impressive is one of the worst approaches in dating. Interestingly, no elaborate restaurant reservation, no long, carefully crafted speech and no romantic gesture is required.

People value honesty much more than performance.

Rather than picking up the internet search for the “right” words to use, focus on showing genuine interest.

You may want to say something simple, like:

I’ve had the pleasure of getting up to know you. Do you want to have coffee sometime?

I think you’re fun to be around. Would you like to go out for dinner this weekend?

“If you’re interested, I’d love the opportunity to spend more time with you.”

These invitations are clear and respectful, and they do not put the other person on the spot to respond.

Ironically, the harder you try to please, the more awkward you seem to become.

 

Pay Attention to Timing

 

Getting timing right doesn’t mean it’s going to work, but it can make the conversation a lot easier.

Think of someone asking you out while you’re in a rush to catch a bus or are having a hectic work deadline. Chances are, you might reject the offer or not even give them much of a listening ear.  

You therefore want to seek out settings where conversation is already happening.

Relaxed moments de-escalate, ease tension on both sides, and let conversation flow organically.

Sometimes it is easier to reach out to someone who is already talking and laughing with you than to break into someone’s busy day.

And remember, even with the best planning, someone may still say no.

As you get to know someone better, it’s equally important to recognize the red flags to never ignore after 40 before investing emotionally.

That’s completely normal.

 

Accept That Rejection Is Part of Dating

 

Rejection is part of the dating scene.  When it happens to you, thank the person and let them know that you appreciate their honesty.

Don’t argue.

Don’t pressure them.

Do not push and push.

Respecting their choice is demonstrating confidence and emotional growth.

Sometimes, people turn down dates because they are already seeing someone else, have other priorities, or just don’t feel the same way about the person. Those reasons aren’t personal attacks on your character.

 

Confidence Comes from Practice

 

Typically, people think that first you have to have confidence, then you get to do something.

The truth is, it’s typically the other way around.

As you have more conversations, make more introductions and step out of your comfort zone more and more, you become more confident over time.

Consider taking a driving lesson or speaking in front of an audience. It was likely uncomfortable on the first go round, but the second was a bit easier, and so on.

Dating is similar.

The more you speak with new people, the less strange it will be to show them that you are interested. If you want to build confidence before asking someone out in person, you can chat with girls and practice having relaxed, meaningful conversations.

No need to be the loudest or most outgoing in the group. All you have to do is have the confidence to be yourself!

 

What to Talk About on a First Date

 

After you have asked someone out, one question you may have is: “What should I say on the first date?”

The good news is that good conversations don’t tend to result from memorized questions.

Here are some conversation starter suggestions:

•         The activities and interests they enjoy.
•         Things they would like to do if they traveled again.
•         Recent reading, viewing or listening material.
•         Career Goals and aspirations.
•         Favorite childhood memories.
•         Weekend activities they enjoy.

Take the time to listen to their answers and not think about what you’re going to say next.

Everybody likes to be listened to, and genuine curiosity leads to better conversations than trying to impress someone with rehearsed stories.

If there are a few quiet moments, don’t worry! There are short pauses in almost all conversations, and they only seem a lot bigger than they really are in your mind.

 

Final Thoughts

 

Asking is not about getting them to say yes; it’s about expressing yourself confidently and accepting whatever answer you get. It’s all about being honest, respectful and willing to take whatever answer you get.

Most people recall how someone treated them rather than the specific words they spoke. Kindness is a better way to deliver a true invitation than a too-formal presentation.

If you’ve been waiting for the right time, remember that meaningful connections often begin with a simple conversation—whether that’s in person or through stranger chat, then it’s time to take a reminder from this post; it’s not going to happen. Breathe out, stick to the essentials of your invitation and pat yourself on the back for having the courage to ask.